Here we are, January 1st, 2012. I don't think that the world is going to end this December, but it wouldn't bother me if it did. Last year was a crazy emotional roller coaster. I experienced some of the best things in my tender little 23 years and some of the worst. On the bright side, I graduated from college at the beginning of last year! $30,000 in the hole, but 5 years of work, studies, no fun and no sleep, finally at an end. I was promised an awesome job upon graduation, I thought my life was finally about to get started, and then I was told that I couldn't have it because my parents work for the same company. Yeah, needless to say that ruined my life. I was told not to change my major to something that I may one day be able to use and just get done as fast as I could, so now I'm stuck with a very expensive bachelors degree in art history and waiting tables for a living. Some dream huh? Well anyway, there were some good parts to the year, and some valuable lessons.
This past summer, I almost lost two of my very best friends. Scary as it was, I realize just how much I love them. I took one of the best trips in my life to North Caroline to see my future mother in law and her husband, spent the entire time drinking and laughing and jumping off cliffs, and just had a jolly ole time. The highlight of the year was definitely Josh and I scoring lead roles in Rent, produced by our community theater. This changed my outlook on life, death, and relationships drastically. I'm still trying to cope with the fact that it's over. During that measly two months of my life, I felt more contentment and happiness than I ever have. I really hope I have an opportunity like this again. I never thought that I could love doing something so much. Rent brought with it a huge wave of emotions for me. I am not an overly emotional person. I'm usually quite reasonable and level headed, but for the past few months I have been ridiculously unstable, almost bipolar. One day, I'll be completely normal. The next, pissed off to the point of tears for next to no reason. I have developed a different relationship with my family as well. Not necessarily different for better or for worse, but I think I finally made the transition from an adolescent relationship where I feel like I need to stay in close range at all times to a more adult relationship where I feel like, if and when I leave Ohio, I'll be okay at a distance. The last thing that I want is to hurt them or make them think that I want to leave because I don't love them anymore, but I need to go. My job and this state in general are draining the life out of me, and I think it's time for a change.
So what exactly are my new year's resolutions? Well, I kind of think resolutions are bull shit. Nobody ever sticks to them. So I'm thinking more in the aspect of goals or life changes. I definitely want to get back into shape (I know, everyone says that at the beginning of the year, but it's not hard for me. I've always been in good shape, I just fell of the wagon for a few months, and luckily for me I'm on quite the scrawny side so I don't have to worry about cutting fat, which is the hard part). I want to explore my options instead of wallowing in my own self pity, I want to do something about my unhappiness. I want to be able to disregard the mean and nasty comments that people make. I want to be better, I want to get as far to the top as I possibly can, and I want to say "fuck you" to a lot of people that I've never had the balls to before. More than anything, I want to be happy this year. I'm sick of being pissed off all the time, so fuck off 2011. There's no way that 2012 could be worse. Here goes...
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